May 19th, 2010
Dear 16 year old me,
I'm sorry. This day will divide your time for the rest of your life. It will be the time before Mom died and the time after. I wish you didn't pretend you were so tough and let people see how much you were hurting. This day was terrifying and it will take you a long time to admit that. Hey, it really wasn't your fault. You will need to hear that for the rest of your life. Life moments will be tough but you have so many people who love you who will be there, make sure you recognize that. Life goes on, it will be different, but it will go on. Go talk to Kayla, she'll help you figure out where to go next.
May 19th, 2011
Dear 17 year old me,
You survived a year. You had your first birthday without your parents. It's been a rough and interesting year hasn't it? I know that you're still scared. I know that you act like it's ok when it really isn't. You'll learn to trust people with what's really going on, I promise. Now have fun tonight, or at least try. I know you will. How could you not have fun with Katlyn? Also, buying Justin Bieber shirts and singing Baby at the talent show with her is ridiculous. You'll need a lot of ridiculous in your life. Just pray that no one finds the video of this ridiculous act... they probably will but it's funny.
May 19th, 2012
Dear 18 year old me,
It's prom day. You'll be a little sad but your dress is gorgeous and your hair reminds me of Kitty from That 70s Show. Dance the night away with your friends, take pictures, go crazy. Katlyn is going to dance with a can of Sprite, make sure you laugh. You will always need laughter, find it everywhere you can. Go to the Hennings and watch Disney movies and eat ice cream with your friends. Have all the fun you can.
May 19th, 2013
Dear 19 year old me,
You're home for today, probably the place that you needed to be. I think today was probably the hardest year. You were in a place that wasn't home, 800 miles away from home for a long time. You didn't know what to do or how to cope. That's ok, you'll figure it out. You'll heal. But right now? Allow yourself to be hurt because it's still allowed to hurt. One day you'll heal, I promise.
May 19th, 2014
Dear 20 year old me,
I'm so proud of you. You went to trauma counseling and a lot has changed. I think this was your year. I can't believe that Eminem helped you figure out how to forgive her but hey, the Lord works in mysterious ways. Go write your blog that almost 300 people will read, hang out with Alex, and forgive yourself. Go visit your house, take all the time you need to say goodbye to all the negative moments of the past. Release your fear, it will take a while but it will be worth it. Never forget what happened, but never let it hold you back. Never let it paralyze you from living.
May 19th, 2015
Dear 21 year old me,
This is it. The five year anniversary. You climbed stairs with Alissa and Gina... a lot of stairs. You're going to be in one of your "homes" surrounded by some of your best friends. You laughed and laughed some more. You're healing, even if you don't realize it. Pay attention to the sky, take in Tallulah Gorge, love this life- it's the only one you have. Today was good, you only cried at a movie- that's pretty good on an every day basis. I hope you know how loved you are, you better realize how good you have it and appreciate it every single day. Don't let what you lost prevent you from realizing what you still have. You haven't lost everything, not even close.
