At all.
Stuff has happened. People have been hurt. People have hurt people. Consequences have happened. Tears have been shed. Sleep has been lost. School has been neglected. Work has been neglected even more.
To say that I have felt defeated and exhausted would be an understatement.
Apparently, when things get this bad my go to thing is to listen to Tenth Avenue North nonstop. I go to one song in particular, Worn. The song is an accurate description of the state of my heart in times when I feel defeated. But there's always one line that I cling to...
"Let me see redemption win."
These past couple weeks have been in desperate need of redemption. I have been in desperate need of redemption.
I have desperately needed to see that redemption is going to win in the end. That this pain, these circumstances, this time will lead to redemption.
I know it will but it has been so hard to see.
Last Tuesday was a really bad day but on Wednesday, something good happened. I went to Broken Bridges, it seems to be a good place for broken things to become good things. It was overcast all day, freezing, and the wind was relentless. But on a whim, some friends and I decided to attempt to see the sunset.
I am so glad that we did.
The water was choppy and murky, the sky was mostly dark, the wind was biting and powerful, but the sun... Oh man, the sun.
It was piercing through the dark clouds. It wasn't just a couple rays poking through.
This probably sounds very weird but my thought standing there was, "this is what redemption feels like."
It's the sun, piercing through the darkness.
It's the wind, powerful enough to move the storm.
It's the moment with people who lay down their lives for yours.
It's the moment of undeserved peace in chaos.
It's the moment that feels like a new start, a chance to turn away from the weeks prior.
And honestly, the very satisfying cheeseburger that I brought with me definitely added to the experience.
But the moment made me start to think about redemption in every day moments.
It's the moments when you lay down your burdens.
It's the moments when you are rescued from your self destruction.
It's the moments of grace when you think you have failed one too many times.
It's the moments of rest after many sleepless nights.
It's the moments when you release your white knuckled hold on control.
It's the moments that bring you closer to Christ, even though you're not expecting it.
Redemption is winning. In the midst of chaos and hurt and sin, redemption is winning. God is still about the business of redemption. He is about the redemption of my life. He is about the redemption of those who hurt me. He is about the redemption of my friends. He is about the redemption of our lives. He is about the redemption of our painful days and circumstances.
He is about our redemption.
When we are hurt,
When we hurt others,
When we sin,
When we feel broken,
When we feel unworthy,
When we can't see it,
He is STILL about our redemption. He is relentless in His pursuit of our hearts. He will use everything we go through to call us back. He will use two very painful weeks to show the depravity of our humanity. He will use a moment on a bridge to remind that light pierces the darkness, and always will. He will use a band to write lyrics that challenge and encourage people to look for redemption. He will use every day moments to show a girl with a very tired heart that redemption is still possible, that there is still hope for her, the people around her, and the world. He will use that girl to remind others, even though she doesn't feel like she is worthy or capable of that responsibility. He will use all things, all these things, to work them for His good. He will use them to bring back His runaway children. He will use them to point us to the work of the cross, over and over again.
It is finished. Redemption has won. 
