Often times that isn't what it turns out to be. It often turns out to be something that we casually give up that really has no impact on our spiritual lives or our everyday life in the long run. I know, I've been there. I've given up chocolate, thought it was a true sacrifice, complained about it the whole way, never thought about Christ, and then binged on chocolate from the Easter Bunny.
I used to be really stupid at Lent, and sometimes I look back at the years I did something meaningful and I still feel stupid. I guess that is acceptable though when any sacrifice is dull compared to Christ's. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't sacrifice.
I really like Lent. I love the idea of it, the symbolism, the growth and everything about it. When people ask what my favorite holiday is, I should probably start answering with Lent. Despite my love for it, this year I felt like I had nothing to give up (hahaha jokes) or actually it was more like I didn't realize something that was an issue enough to give up for Lent. I'm done with giving up Facebook or my phone because I have learned that those are tools and that 40 days without them isn't good enough when it comes to how I use them in every day life. I won't give up chocolate or junk food because food has always been a struggle and giving it up for 40 days won't solve the deeper issue.
So I had no idea what I was going to give up for this year and with it already upon us, I considered not doing anything.
And then it came to me at 1 am after a snow day when I realized I hadn't done anything.
Now don't get me wrong. I love doing nothing and I think that every now and then doing nothing is good for the soul but today I should have been doing something. And I said I was going to be doing something.
That's my issue here, saying that I'm going to do something and I just never do it.
New year's resolutions, prayers, letters, tasks, books, diets- all examples of things I say I'll do but never do them. How many times have I said "I'll pray for you" but just give it a casual thought later on instead of thoughtful intercessory prayer? How many years have I made resolutions and just gave up not even a month into the new year? How many tasks a day do I say I'll do and never do? Today's answer? Seven.... at least. I mean it was a snow day, I literally couldn't go anywhere and plenty of things to get done in my room. And none of it was rocket science or figuring out the cure for all known cancers. No, it was put my sheets on my bed that I washed on Thursday and still haven't put on but said I would every day since they were washed. It was write an email to counseling services that I've said I was going to write for probably over a year now. It was do my homework. I woke up at 10 am and by the time midnight came around I hadn't accomplished a single thing on my list.
I HADN'T ACCOMPLISHED A SINGLE THING.
So I did what everyone does, I complained to my roommate about not following through on anything and how I hate that I always do that and I wish I didn't and that if I could just quit that habit that maybe life would be better..... BLAH BLAH BLAH. I already proved that just because I said something doesn't mean that I actually do it.
I guess I found my sacrifice for Lent, it's giving up. It's the lack of follow through, it's the passivity and apathy towards every day things and the "big" things. It's not merely hearing but doing (James 1:22), it's putting faith and love into action. Jesus' sacrifice wasn't passive and neither should mine. It's the action of laying down my life, my will, my pride in order to do what I said I would. It's because I value what I want more than I what I should do. It's because I value myself more than others. It's because I value my comfort zone more than Jesus. And it's time to give up giving up and to give up doing what I want for myself.
Now this isn't something that will be given up for 40 days and then go back to the same old same old, it can't be. But consciously working for the next 40 days to give this up will have life long implications and that's the kind of thing that should be given up for Lent. My word needs to be followed by actions. My word should be sound and my actions proof of my words.
I'm ready to give up giving up because I said I would.
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