"Let Me Love You Anyways"

So the day before my birthday my brother and I went on a comic book store adventure and my friends threw me a superhero surprise party. On my birthday some of my friends and I went out. Over the course of the two days people put up pictures of us and said how much I mean to them. One of my friends even called me one of their heroes. People sent me text messages and Facebook posts that  made me cry. People took time out of their Saturday to eat tacos and watch a movie with me. Some people got me presents and some people graced me with their presence. And I was in heaven, I just felt so alive and satisfied and grateful and loved.

And then I felt guilty...

Last night I'm sitting in my bed reflecting on everything of the past couple days and birthdays from past years and I just start crying. At first it was because I was grateful for everything and everyone and then it turned into a weird negativity fest. My mind just kept going on and on with negative thoughts.

"You don't deserve these people"
"You don't deserve love of this magnitude"
"You don't deserve to be someone's hero"
"You don't deserve to mean something to anyone"
"You don't deserve friends because you don't act like a friend"
"You don't deserve to be loved in any capacity"

And I agreed with myself because, well, I was right. I don't deserve any of that. But I heard another voice and it said...

"Let me love you anyways. Let them love you anyways."

"You're right, you don't deserve any of this but I give you grace and love anyways, let me. Let me give you  people you don't deserve who love you with a magnitude you don't deserve so I can show you my love. So you in turn can learn to love those who don't deserve love. So let me in, let them in. Let us in despite you not deserving this. Let us in despite your brokenness, so that you may be made whole. Let us in so we can see your mess, not to harm or add more but to help you unpack and free you. Let us in despite the risk that comes with loving and letting someone love you. Let us in despite you not having it perfect, because that's not what we're looking for. Let us in so we can love you. Let me love you anyways. Let them love you anyways."

How could I argue with that?  I can't.

So love me anyways,  despite my fear, my mess, my imperfection, my unworthiness, and my brokenness.

Love me anyways so I can love them the way you love me.

Unconditionally.