It Will Be Okay, but Right Now It's Not

It's the least wonderful time of the year.

It's the time for things to grow, relationships to start, babies to be born, weddings to be planned and for the papers to be written, the nights to not be used for sleeping but work, the projects to be stressed over, the relationships to fall apart, the fallen humans to mess up, the goodbyes for good to happen.

If I'm honest, I'm at my wits end and this isn't even a difficult semester (compared to the last one at least).  I'm just done and I know that many of my friends and fellow college students are right here with me. I know because we post Buzzfeed articles to laugh at it but we're one typo in our paper from not being able to recover to emotional stability. I know because this is college and this is what happens, every year, without fail. And we all say the same thing to each other....

IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

And you know what? It probably will be. I will lose sleep, drink too much coffee, be hurt, hurt others, meet clean-up requirements, hand in assignments, pass my finals, pass my classes and say goodbye to some of my best friends. That will all happen and I will survive and I will look back and laugh at how stressed I was.

But right now? When I'm struggling to find motivation, the words, the time, sleep, and my sanity... I'm struggling.

It's okay that it's not okay. I would prefer that it would be okay but that's not how this whole college thing or even life thing works.

And in the midst of things not being okay, I will sit here. I will cry, scream, write, pray and trust. Trust that I'm not alone in my struggle or in my desire for things to be okay again. Trust that God is going to be here even when it doesn't seem like He's here. Trust that what I'm feeling is valid. Trust that sometimes emotions lie. Trust that I am going to make it through this semester even when I feel like a failure. Trust that no one is against me or wants to see me fail. Trust that it will be okay.

It's not okay, but it will be.... but in the meantime, it's okay to not be okay.