I'm Single, It's Valentine's Day and I'm NOT Grumpy

It's THAT day of the year.(ok well yesterday was THAT day by the time I'm done writing... don't judge me) The one day where couples are supposed to adore each other and singles mostly wallow in pity that they don't have a romantic other.

And every single year before this year I have always been in the second category. Valentine's Day has always been the "WOE IS ME I'M STILL SINGLE AND I DON'T HAVE THAT MANY YEARS LEFT AS A TEENAGER- I'M GONNA DIE ALONE" day.

But this year? It's absolutely different. And maybe that's because I'm not a "teenager" anymore or maybe because I'm "growing up" or maybe it's because I've given up on love entirely. Well, I can tell you it's definitely not the third one. I am still hopelessly, irretrievably in love with the idea of one day falling in love.

But right now that's not my life and I'm hopelessly, irretrievably in love with this life, more than you know.

And I realllllllly hope that someone who is reading this gets my How I Met Your Mother reference.

But back to my life now...

This year has been one of the most internally life-changing years that I have ever known. And because of that I have realized something...

That love is a beautiful gift that can't be rushed, can't be forced, and when it comes it will be the most glorious thing but it must be nurtured.

I have also realized that singleness is a beautiful gift that must be breathed in slowly and taken in for all it's worth.

However, there were days when I was extremely down about not being "in love" and one of those days I was fed up with myself and my pity party. And I wrote this reminder:
                 "'Love' will never save you but LOVE will. You can't expect to be swept off your feet because other people are being swept off theirs. It doesn't make them better and it doesn't make you worth any less. Stop trying to rush things. A relationship should not be your focus right now. You have school. You have your mental health. You have your body. You have your relationship with yourself. You have your relationship with your family. You have your relationship with your friends. And most importantly you have your relationship with God.You have your budget. You have your communication skills. You have your past. You have your struggles, sins and addictions. You have your attitude. You have your housekeeping. You have your selfishness. You have the communication department. You have internships and future jobs. You have all these things to focus on right now that adding a relationship is most definitely NOT the smartest idea. You need to work on you and stop thinking that adding someone to this mess will miraculously change things. You need to be in a relationship to love them out of overflow by serving them and you can't do that if you have all these major issues to figure out. Stop complaining that you don't have a man right now when really it's a blessing for you to get your life together so that later on  you can care about someone to your best ability without all this junk getting in your way. Don't forget that there is absolutely no way in heaven or earth that you can possibly do this on your own. If you ever feel like you can do it on your own you messed up big time, reevaluate again. YOU are not ready, other people being in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that they are ready either. It may just mean that they will have more problems to deal with at once and you can spend your focus on figuring out life. The single life is not to be just waiting, you need to be working out all the things that are in your life and not wait for someone who you only think will fix your problems. And disappearing is not the solution, you need to face things head on and take things by the horns. No excuses or putting this off until later in life. You are here and you are single here for a very good reason. You need to embrace all that being single allows you to do right now where God has you, in this place and in this time. Live your life now and not in anticipation of the future relationships you might have. Figure out what you want and stop looking for it. It will come but you have things to do in the meantime."

And I'm sorry that that reminder was so long but sometimes you need to give yourself these pep talks that will kick your butt into motion.... and that's exactly what has happened.

Ever since I made the decision to change things, life has been so much more enjoyable than I ever imagined.

• My relationships are better
• I'm getting better at taking care of household chores
• I'm making healthier changes for my body (drinking more water, vitamins, TRYING to exercise daily, etc)
• I'm making healthier choices for my mind and soul such as recognizing when I need to relax 
• I'm making changes to the way I do my schoolwork
• I'm genuinely happier
• I'm more willing to take chances and go on adventures
• I'm learning more 
• I'm letting go of old jealously and bitterness
• I'm learning what it means to love and serve with a sincere heart
• I'm narrowing down my option of what I want to do as a future career
• I'm getting to know myself and genuinely loving all that entails
• Jesus ... I don't really need to say more

And the craziest things started to happen with these small but influential changes...

I STOPPED WORRYING ABOUT TRYING TO FIND THE PERFECT MAN.

And I didn't even realize it. I was so wrapped up in living that I forgot that apparently I'm "missing" something that is "completely necessary" for happiness and completion... I really want to make my sarcasm clear on this point. 

It's so crazy that a common theme that has recently been in my life is one of going in the opposite direction of what seems to be the thing that makes everyone happy and finding a greater joy somewhere else. We're told that we have to have complete control in order for happiness and I found joy when I let go. We're told that we need someone in order to be complete and I have never felt more content with life than right now. 

So this Valentine's Day, instead of wallowing in self pity, rolling my eyes at couples, groaning at all the gushy love and complaining... I'm loving life. I enjoyed the learning in my classes. I gave funny Valentine's cards to people. I took a fantastic nap. I went to my prof's house with my friends and hung out with her kids so she and her husband could go on a date. I drank sparkling apple cider in champagne glasses with sugar on the rim (SUPER CLASSY, RIGHT?!?). I got chocolate covered strawberries. I watched A Cinderella Story, Valentine's Day and Tangled. I went to Walmart at midnight with my friends to get all the Valentine's candy half off. I  swooned over how cute some couples are. I loved my friends and I loved loving them. I loved taking in the beauty of a day in going the extra mile to show how much you care about people despite it being twisted for profit. I got to sit down and blog about something that has always been such a struggle in my life. Seriously, I'm so tired right now finishing this at 3 am but I wouldn't have traded this day or any of my days for anything. I have trials, tragedies, stress, and loneliness but the greatest joy has been found in the midst of  it all.

LOVE really has saved me and it hasn't been the "love" of a significant other. It's been the love that God has shown me through his divine character that instills in me a desire to change and to love in return. It's the love that he has given me to love myself and to love others that has changed my actions. It's the love he has for others and the love of other people that make me want to love them better. It's the love of life that makes me want to love it in ways that I have never known before. It's LOVE that has brought me joy.

So now it's the day after Valentine's Day, I am still single and still abundantly joyful with all that life is offering me right now in this very moment.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!