"There is still some time to be surprised"
This line surprised me (go figure) at first and then I kept thinking about it. About what it could mean for my life. Then I found myself saying it to myself when I couldn't stand the overbearing thought of what the future holds, when I couldn't get myself out of the fog that calls itself negativity. Then I found myself saying it to my friends when they needed a reminder that the days to come can hold great things despite our past.
It started to become my mantra about the days and about the years that are before me.
There is still some time to be surprised.
About what the future holds... the job oppurtunities, the search to call somewhere home, the heartbreaks and the heart mendings, the big moments, the small moments that mean just as much as the big moments.
About those I love in my life... their joys, their passions, all the things that matter to them, the things they say and do, and who they will become
About me... my healing, my passions, the things that think they will take my joy, the dreams that have yet to appear, the person who I will become.
There are so many things to be surprised about. There are so many things to look forward to that I won't be able to expect. There are so many surprises that will deserve celebration when the time comes. And I can't wait.
But I don't want to just be surprised. I want to be a part of the surprise.
I want to show up for people when they think no one will be there.
I want to show people that I'm thinking of them with gifts and words and time.
I want to help people heal and grow.
I want to help people reach their dreams and goals.
I want to help people surprise others.
I want to learn to show grace.
I finished reading If You Feel Too Much by Jamie Tworkowski, the founder of TWLOHA, at 3 am yesterday because I couldn't put it down. And once again his words about this life and surprises burned their way into my mind.
"I'm starting to believe those things, that the best is yet to be, that life comes back, that the dreams that live inside me are there for a reason, that life is not just a tragedy, not just a story about losing. It is also a story of surprises and grace and redemption, of conversations and moments that feel like miracles."
More importantly, MY story is a story of surprises and grace and redemption and dreams and miracles. As the new year starts, I started to think about what I hoped for this year and I kept coming back to the concept of surprises. This next year of my story is a chance to surprise and to be surprised. With graduating, getting a "real" job, moving out, and all the other big changes that will happen this year, I have plenty of chances to be surprised. Instead of facing these moments with dread and anxiety, I can face them as the surprising opportunity that they truly are. And I can face these moments with the greatest surprises that I have ever received, the people I have the honor of calling friends. And I hope to surprise them as we continue to write our stories together.
I believe in these things. I believe that there is still some time.
There is still some time to surprise and be surprised.
This, right now, is the time to surprise and be surprised.
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