What Cancer Gave Me

It's been five years today, five years since cancer took my best friend, my father.  I lost a lot because of cancer. Cancer didn't care that I already lost one parent less than a year before. Cancer didn't care that I still needed him. Cancer didn't care that it would take my home, my security, or the only life I knew for 16 years. Cancer didn't care that because of it, I would spend two weeks watching one of the greatest lights I have ever known slowly dim. It didn't care about a lot of things. It surely didn't care about all that it was taking from me.

But it's been five years. Five years of life: of joys, sorrows, hurts, healings... of life, not death.

Cancer doesn't care about anything that it took away from me.
But God sure does care about everything that cancer gave me.

Cancer gave me a better version of the man I already thought was the best.
After my mom's death, my father and I realized how quickly our lives can change and how important it is to show love, which became even more evident when cancer reared its ugly head. My father made sure I knew he loved me, he showed me even more than before how important I was to him. His last words that I remember were "I love you, Marilyn". If it was even possible, my father's compassion, servant's attitude, and love became stronger. He was at church, or somewhere, serving as long as his body would let him. I was once angry with him because he wasn't at home and wasn't answering my texts asking about his location. It turned out he was serving a homeless man and having a conversation about Jesus. Cool Dad, just make me cry because of how well you lived and loved. But that's just the type of man he was... sometimes it makes me angry, come on Dad, you left me ridiculous standards. Anyways, within the days of his sickness, never once did he stop loving or serving.

Cancer gave me a second family.
I will forever be grateful for the second family that I found in the Hennings. They let me be part of their family by staying under their roof for a year and a half and by loving me no matter how far I go. They were there for the big moments my parents would miss and they were there for all the little moments too. They gave me guidance and wisdom that I needed from a parental figure during the last of my high school career. I got more sisters! Come on, who doesn't want more siblings? They let me come home whenever I go back to my hometown for a visit. I forever have a family in them.

Cancer gave me opportunities.
Sometimes I like to think about what life would be like if my parents were still here. But I can't imagine my life any other way than it is now. My life would be very different without cancer. I probably would have never come down to Georgia. I probably would have gone to college somewhere less than two hours away from home and never went any further. I would never have come to TFC. I would have never built the relationship I have with my brother or his wife. I would have never seen their son be the cutest thing ever. I would have never made the friends that I have and I wouldn't trade for anything. I would have never had my internship with Kate's Cub; I probably would have never even looked for an internship like that. Cancer gave me a story, a story that more people can relate to than I would like to talk about. It allowed for me to empathize and grieve with those dealing with this loss.

Cancer gave me Christ.
When your world is shattered twice within such a short time span, you have to cling to something. I clung to what my dad showed me when my mother died. In every which way, I got more of Christ because of cancer. I saw my entire church serve me. If pure religion is taking care of widows and orphans, then my church was following it. People never ran out of love for me, it is overwhelming looking back on just how much I was loved with the love of Christ during that time.  It's so very hard to run away when you have been shown such love and grace. When you see people serve and love like that, it's hard not to want to be like them.

Cancer takes. It's what it does. It kills, destroys, and hurts. I think five years down the line, I can acknowledge that what was intended to destroy has been used for good. Out of death, I have been given life, a good good life. In all things, I continue to have a good good Father, using sorrow to work all things together for my good. Cancer can't take that.