10 Things I Learned on My Study Abroad

I feel like this is super typical after coming back from a study abroad but I also feel it's super necessary.

I went on a study abroad in March for my spring break and it was probably the best decision that I've ever made. We went to Germany, Poland and Austria. I particularly studied theology of human dignity through the lens of the Holocaust. It was the most heart wrenching thing but it has changed my life in the most positive ways. I learned so much about human dignity and I learned a couple other things. Here is where I will post the couple other things.... And maybe include some deep theological and meaningful things as bonuses. These are listed in no particular order, in case you were wondering.

Number One
At one point or another you will hate almost everyone you travel with.
....and I mean this in the nicest way possible. You will be cranky and hate them. They will be cranky and that's why you hate them. They will make one tiny mistake and you will hate them out of proportion. They will be a cultural blunder and you will hate them appropriately. They could be complete strangers or closest friends BUT YOU WILL HATE THEM. For me, I was actually getting angry that I was getting angry with people. Since the trip was about human dignity, I thought that I shouldn't be frustrated with people. I was getting angry that people wouldn't listen to me, that people wouldn't get out of their comfort zone, that people were inconsiderate, and a multitude of other reasons. But here's the thing, I was probably that person a bunch of times to other people. It just happens when you travel with people and that's okay. It really is ok  to be frustrated, you just can't stay there. You have to get over yourself and love the people that make you angry. Your anger will subside and you may actually gain friends.

Number two
Wander.
I cannot stress this enough. I learned that wandering is one of the greatest thing to do when abroad. It is genuinely ok to reply to someone that asks you the question "what did you do?" with " Nothing, I wandered." Wandering was my favorite part about this trip. It's how I fell in love with the cities and how my heart was torn out in Dachau concentration camp. When we wandered we found an back alley that housed three museums. (Ok, that was intentional wandering but still that place was beautiful.) We found a movie theater back there and amazing street art. We found an art market. We found an adorable coffee shop and then a bistro with amazing food and almost better WiFi. We found a store that sold bow ties  in a random crevasse. We found a Dunkin Donuts, a fountain and a street musician. We  found the greatest paninis and ice cream.  I found a statue that changed my life. I found a poem that changed my perspective. I found  a place of beauty after devastation.  I found perspective.  I would say I found myself in my wanderings. "Not all those that wander are lost." I will never be opposed to wandering.

Number Three
Life is about selfies.... with other people.
When I was in the fifth grade I went on a field trip and came back with a disposable camera filled with pictures. My sister looked through them and told me something probably insignificant to her and she probably doesn't even remember but to me it was incredible. "When you go places, take pictures with people." I think ever since then I kinda live by that motto. Because of this my phone is filled with selfies of me and my friends at various places AND pictures of the beautiful scenery of Europe. But  when I go back years from now and look at my pictures I will never be wishing "Oh I wish I got pictures of that building at that one place." I'll be sitting down, reminiscing about the time that one of my friends dumped Q-tips all over the floor, or when we pretended that the statues were our friends, or when we got those awesome food things in Poland that we can't seem to pronounce, or being ridiculously giddy in the Museum of Communications with my fellow Comm major, OR GETTING ICE CREAM SIX TIMES (absolutely no shame, European ice cream is my fav), or any of the crazy things that happened with my friends over there. I'll never be wondering who I was with or what we were doing because I caught that on camera instead of a building that won't mean anything to me years from now.

Number Four
The most random things can change your life.
This particular random thing was a small statue in the Catholic memorial at the Dachau Concentration Camp. This is one of the places where I wandered by myself for the entire time. I first stopped at the statue that makes bodies look so tangled that they represent barbed wire. It's a powerful image that makes you think and I stood there for a good 10 minutes just studying the statue. How thin they made the people look, how they looked like they were crying for help, how twisted the bodies were. I walked away shaking my head at how awful everything was and continued to wander around Dachau. I eventually made my way to the back of the camp where the Catholic memorial was located. I walked up to it, looked inside and noticed that it was a small statue of Jesus and I was about the walk away. Then I thought "That's interesting that Jesus looks like the bodies of the other statue. Jesus looks like the prisoners." Jesus looked like the prisoners. I started bawling. I have recognized before that because of the torture before the crucifixion Jesus was barely recognizable as a human being. BUT I never made the connection that Jesus was dehumanized, that people attempted to strip Jesus of his dignity. The realization that Jesus still knows where we are and meets us in the middle of despair... even in the middle of a concentration camp.

Number Five
Don't hold on to old adventures.
I've been to Germany before but the last time I was on an army base and was in a small town with cobblestone streets. I was so excited to go back to Germany (especially for the ice cream) but I eventually realized that if I was going to enjoy this trip that I couldn't expect it to be like the last time I was there. I wasn't with my parents, I wasn't 12 and I wasn't going to see my sister. This was going to be an entirely different trip.... and I'm glad I let go of that attitude early on. I've seen it happen that adventures lose their luster because we try to stay in that mindset for as long as possible.Or we ruin it by always wanting to go back to a place and time that no longer exist. Remember the adventures but don't cling to them. Enjoy them for what they were and go on new excursions with

Number Six
Atrocities don't always look like atrocities.
This was actually difficult to wrap my head around. I was shocked when we walked into the concentration camps and they were nicer than I expected them to be and nicer than I wanted them to be. They were organized brick buildings with little lights on the outside. They could have been nice old houses from a time long ago. I wanted them to be disgusting little shacks. I wanted them to be completely falling apart and I wanted them to be dirty. I don't know why I wanted them to be this way but I knew that it made it worse. It made it worse that one of the most devastating events in history took places in camps that had alright brick buildings that were lined up in rows. It was the weirdest feeling and this probably doesn't make sense but I hated it.

Number Seven
Get that one souvenir that will forever remind you of the trip. (Or five.... ok maybe fifteen)
For me that includes rubber duckies, ornaments for a tree, Fanta bottles, a little box and of course, postcards. I'm such a sentimentalist and these items will forever have significant meaning to me because I got them from Europe. I think often times I memories get spotty and forget even the best memories that we ever had.... that's why I take pictures, get souvenirs and become a borderline hoarder. I want to remember everything, not to stay in the past but to see how the past plays into the future. So I will never be ashamed of my love of little souvenirs.... even  $20 worth of German chocolate, Ok I should be slightly ashamed of that one. 

Number Eight
Street performers should be recording artists.
I am so thankful for street performers. I know that they are out there performing in an attempt to make even a small amount of money but they add so much flavor to ordinary life. I remember in Atlanta that I heard a singer standing in the streets and singing "I Can Only Imagine" as loud and as beautifully as he could. I felt like I walked away from that street being forever changed and that's the same feeling I had in Germany. We went for Dunkin one night in Berlin and found a fountain and a man playing guitar. It was quite cold but I never wanted to leave the edge of that fountain. I could sit there forever listening to this man play songs I didn't know and quietly sing along to the songs I recognized. I wanted to take that guy home with me and pay him to play music all day long but unfortunately that didn't happen. I will always remember that moment by the fountain. 

Number Nine
Mom was wrong.... it's ok to stare.
It's still not ok to stare at people but go ahead and stare at other things. Actually, take as long as you want and study the world around you through staring.  If we don't, we miss a lot of the beauty that makes the big picture. We could miss the streaks of color in a flower petal or the textures of a painting. Take the time to take in the ordinary things and realize how amazing the ordinary really can be. I can't tell you how often I just stood in one spot and stated at what was in front of me. To quote the great philosopher, Ferris Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." He was right and I don't want to miss anything. BRB Imma go stare at some flowers.

Number Ten
The world I came back to didn't actually change, I did.
I think often times that we think that the world we come back to changes but we don't that stays the same but we change. I didn't come back to a different Georgia, I came back a different Marilyn. I came back seeing though different eyes because I gained perspective. I came back with a changed heart because I left pieces in Europe. I am different because I went beyond my comfort zone and went to places that I have never known before. You can't go somewhere new and not be changed. You have tried things, seen things, met people and throughout things that will change a part of who you are... if you let it. If you go into a new place and don't open up to change then you are missing out on one of the greatest experiences. I have changed for the better because of my study abroad and I don't regret a single minute of it. 

Number Eleven....
I can't wait to see where I will go next. :)

If Eminem Can Do It, I Guess It's Time To Do The Same

I'm not an avid Eminem fan. I'll listen to his stuff occasionally on the radio or if he has a song where I think I'm a total beast rapping some of the lyrics.

But this isn't about his rapping.... this is about forgiveness.

Eminem has had a troubled past with his mother. Those troubles have shown up in songs like "Cleanin' Out My Closet" and others throughout his career. The lyrics have probably shown his mother as this absolutely awful person. That's not the same message in his relatively new song "Headlights".

*This version of Headlights is explicit

The first time I heard "Headlights", I was driving home from college. And I just started crying, I never thought an Eminem song could do that to me but it did.

I heard so much hurt, so much regret, so much sadness and even anger. But even more I heard this man being vulnerable enough to say that he was hurt but that he wants to forgive. After a whole life of difficulties and being estranged, he wants to forgive her. This man, who probably has every right for being angry at every wrong doing his mother did to him, wants to FORGIVE her. This man who wasn't raised in a Christian home, didn't go to church every Sunday, and doesn't attend a Christian college like I have wants to forgive his mother .... and I didn't.

I didn't want to forgive her for the years of her life where she was involuntarily sick. I didn't want to forgive her for taking her own life. I didn't want to forgive her for letting me be the one to find her.  I didn't want to forgive her for the unanswered questions. I didn't want to forgive her for the hurt left behind. I didn't want to forgive her for not being there for the big moments of my life. I didn't want to forgive her for leaving me.

At least that's what the last three years of my life have been. Anger, fear, regret, sadness, hurt... All the negative feeling words that should come after tragedy. And then I made a choice.

Towards the end of freshmen year I told my friends that I should probably go to counseling to deal with the effects of my mother's death, little did I know what that would actually mean. I went back to school for my sophomore year and saw that there was going to be a trauma processing group held by the counseling services at school. I kinda rolled my eyes and thought "Geez, God are you saying I have to go to counseling RIGHT NOW??!?!?! Because I'm not sure if I'm up for it." I don't know exactly how but I got up the courage to walk into a group of strangers and willingly gave them the most traumatic part of my life to process with me.

And it changed everything.

I had to relive everything. I had to sit down and write down every fact and feeling about that day. I had to say it out loud. I had to recognize that it's alright that I was hurt... I didn't have to pretend that this was all sunshine and butterflies and an inspirational piece. I had to face that I lost a lot more than just my mother. I learned that even though so much has been lost, it can be restored eventually. I had to sit there and give people the gritty details of how much I was hurt and how much it still hurt. I had to cry. I had to be vulnerable. And I'm so thankful that I did it and I did it with the group that I did. They have forever changed me.

I can look back at the beginning of the year and see that I am no longer the same person but I still feel as though I have so far to go. And another part of that journey happened today.

Because today is the 4th anniversary of my mother's death. It's been four years since Wednesday, May 19th 2010 and today I let go.

I bought "Headlights" and listened to it on repeat. I bought roses and took them to her grave. I couldn't find the grave at first but I starting crying as soon as I did. I knelt down and started cleaning the grass away and couldn't stop saying "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Mommy. I forgive you." But what I was thinking was:
"I'm so sorry I let it get this far. I'm so sorry I held onto this anger for this long. I forgive you for the hurt. I forgive you for everything that's happened. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I didn't say I love you more. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"

I got up and wiped my eyes. I got in my car and drove away, looking back at the roses as I went. I left it there. I took one last look and left it there. I left everything that makes this day awful. I left everything that's been pent up for the past four years. I graduated May 6th from the phases of trauma counseling but today was my tearful moving on ceremony.

I love you Mom and you were there for one of my big moments. I love you and I always have and I always will but I'm not going to hurt anymore because of this. I'm not going to be fearful anymore because of this.

I never thought that Eminem could encourage me to change my life. But I'm here, looking ahead instead of looking at the headlights in the rear view mirror and I'm thankful for Eminem.

I'm Single, It's Valentine's Day and I'm NOT Grumpy

It's THAT day of the year.(ok well yesterday was THAT day by the time I'm done writing... don't judge me) The one day where couples are supposed to adore each other and singles mostly wallow in pity that they don't have a romantic other.

And every single year before this year I have always been in the second category. Valentine's Day has always been the "WOE IS ME I'M STILL SINGLE AND I DON'T HAVE THAT MANY YEARS LEFT AS A TEENAGER- I'M GONNA DIE ALONE" day.

But this year? It's absolutely different. And maybe that's because I'm not a "teenager" anymore or maybe because I'm "growing up" or maybe it's because I've given up on love entirely. Well, I can tell you it's definitely not the third one. I am still hopelessly, irretrievably in love with the idea of one day falling in love.

But right now that's not my life and I'm hopelessly, irretrievably in love with this life, more than you know.

And I realllllllly hope that someone who is reading this gets my How I Met Your Mother reference.

But back to my life now...

This year has been one of the most internally life-changing years that I have ever known. And because of that I have realized something...

That love is a beautiful gift that can't be rushed, can't be forced, and when it comes it will be the most glorious thing but it must be nurtured.

I have also realized that singleness is a beautiful gift that must be breathed in slowly and taken in for all it's worth.

However, there were days when I was extremely down about not being "in love" and one of those days I was fed up with myself and my pity party. And I wrote this reminder:
                 "'Love' will never save you but LOVE will. You can't expect to be swept off your feet because other people are being swept off theirs. It doesn't make them better and it doesn't make you worth any less. Stop trying to rush things. A relationship should not be your focus right now. You have school. You have your mental health. You have your body. You have your relationship with yourself. You have your relationship with your family. You have your relationship with your friends. And most importantly you have your relationship with God.You have your budget. You have your communication skills. You have your past. You have your struggles, sins and addictions. You have your attitude. You have your housekeeping. You have your selfishness. You have the communication department. You have internships and future jobs. You have all these things to focus on right now that adding a relationship is most definitely NOT the smartest idea. You need to work on you and stop thinking that adding someone to this mess will miraculously change things. You need to be in a relationship to love them out of overflow by serving them and you can't do that if you have all these major issues to figure out. Stop complaining that you don't have a man right now when really it's a blessing for you to get your life together so that later on  you can care about someone to your best ability without all this junk getting in your way. Don't forget that there is absolutely no way in heaven or earth that you can possibly do this on your own. If you ever feel like you can do it on your own you messed up big time, reevaluate again. YOU are not ready, other people being in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that they are ready either. It may just mean that they will have more problems to deal with at once and you can spend your focus on figuring out life. The single life is not to be just waiting, you need to be working out all the things that are in your life and not wait for someone who you only think will fix your problems. And disappearing is not the solution, you need to face things head on and take things by the horns. No excuses or putting this off until later in life. You are here and you are single here for a very good reason. You need to embrace all that being single allows you to do right now where God has you, in this place and in this time. Live your life now and not in anticipation of the future relationships you might have. Figure out what you want and stop looking for it. It will come but you have things to do in the meantime."

And I'm sorry that that reminder was so long but sometimes you need to give yourself these pep talks that will kick your butt into motion.... and that's exactly what has happened.

Ever since I made the decision to change things, life has been so much more enjoyable than I ever imagined.

• My relationships are better
• I'm getting better at taking care of household chores
• I'm making healthier changes for my body (drinking more water, vitamins, TRYING to exercise daily, etc)
• I'm making healthier choices for my mind and soul such as recognizing when I need to relax 
• I'm making changes to the way I do my schoolwork
• I'm genuinely happier
• I'm more willing to take chances and go on adventures
• I'm learning more 
• I'm letting go of old jealously and bitterness
• I'm learning what it means to love and serve with a sincere heart
• I'm narrowing down my option of what I want to do as a future career
• I'm getting to know myself and genuinely loving all that entails
• Jesus ... I don't really need to say more

And the craziest things started to happen with these small but influential changes...

I STOPPED WORRYING ABOUT TRYING TO FIND THE PERFECT MAN.

And I didn't even realize it. I was so wrapped up in living that I forgot that apparently I'm "missing" something that is "completely necessary" for happiness and completion... I really want to make my sarcasm clear on this point. 

It's so crazy that a common theme that has recently been in my life is one of going in the opposite direction of what seems to be the thing that makes everyone happy and finding a greater joy somewhere else. We're told that we have to have complete control in order for happiness and I found joy when I let go. We're told that we need someone in order to be complete and I have never felt more content with life than right now. 

So this Valentine's Day, instead of wallowing in self pity, rolling my eyes at couples, groaning at all the gushy love and complaining... I'm loving life. I enjoyed the learning in my classes. I gave funny Valentine's cards to people. I took a fantastic nap. I went to my prof's house with my friends and hung out with her kids so she and her husband could go on a date. I drank sparkling apple cider in champagne glasses with sugar on the rim (SUPER CLASSY, RIGHT?!?). I got chocolate covered strawberries. I watched A Cinderella Story, Valentine's Day and Tangled. I went to Walmart at midnight with my friends to get all the Valentine's candy half off. I  swooned over how cute some couples are. I loved my friends and I loved loving them. I loved taking in the beauty of a day in going the extra mile to show how much you care about people despite it being twisted for profit. I got to sit down and blog about something that has always been such a struggle in my life. Seriously, I'm so tired right now finishing this at 3 am but I wouldn't have traded this day or any of my days for anything. I have trials, tragedies, stress, and loneliness but the greatest joy has been found in the midst of  it all.

LOVE really has saved me and it hasn't been the "love" of a significant other. It's been the love that God has shown me through his divine character that instills in me a desire to change and to love in return. It's the love that he has given me to love myself and to love others that has changed my actions. It's the love he has for others and the love of other people that make me want to love them better. It's the love of life that makes me want to love it in ways that I have never known before. It's LOVE that has brought me joy.

So now it's the day after Valentine's Day, I am still single and still abundantly joyful with all that life is offering me right now in this very moment.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Defeat is Better than Victory

It's been a little rough recently, raise your hand if you know exactly what I'm talking about. The kind of rough were it seems as though everything is too much and you should be a professional juggler at this point because of all that's going on. You're doing everything you think you can and it's just seems to be not enough.

I failed a test I thought I thoroughly studied for, I didn't finish a paper I thought was going to do well on, I can't figure out if what I have wanted to do as a career is still where I should be heading, I'm trying to figure out how to responsibly use money within a budget, I'm worrying about upcoming assignments, I'm trying for the first time to process what the past three years have been, I'm trying to create better habits for my sake, I have health issues that are worrying me, I'm trying to figure out friendships and relationships in general, and I'm trying to figure out myself.

Key Words: I'm trying.

It hasn't really been working out for me because well I didn't really know... until I pulled an all-nighter on Wednesday night and experienced Thursday.

It was at that point where I literally could do nothing else on my assignment and it was my own fault. I walked in to class feeling completely defeated. I failed my own expectations and I failed my professor's. I've been doing a lot of failing my own expectations lately. Later that day, I tripped and fell on my way to small group.  Then I started falling asleep in class and I missed my last class because my body decided to crash. I took a nap and when I woke up I made my way to group counseling. In counseling we had to share one of those "if you really knew me" statements. It wasn't something incredibly deep but I broke down in tears and couldn't get the words out.  All of it just made me angry, I couldn't do what I expected myself to do. My pride was hurt, I couldn't even walk on flat ground without falling down and I couldn't say a simple sentence without emotionally breaking down.

Crying in counseling was my last straw. I just accepted defeat. I gave up and it's not because I don't care about anything that's going on right now but I literally can't do it on my own anymore.

Accepting defeat was the best thing I could have done....

I'm always trying, always worrying, always attempting to take the whole weight of the world on my shoulders and most importantly.... always failing.

I'm not made to believe that I can do anything and everything, or to worry, or to carry the weight of the world. I'm made to try my hardest but only to a certain degree. I'm not made to carry all my problems. I'm made to be dependent on God and to share my burdens with others. I'm made to face everything with confidence, but only the confidence that I'm not doing this alone. I've been doing this on my own for far too long.I was focused so much on doing everything I could do that I didn't leave room for God to work. I wouldn't let him carry me or my burdens. I had to do this by myself. So he let me think I could do this.... just waiting for me to learn that it's impossible.

So here I am, admitting that I was wrong. I can't do everything, I can't live up to my expectations, I can't live up to other's expectations and I certainly can't handle this. BUT I'm also saying that admitting defeat is the greatest victory. I'm free. I can fully look at my life and know that I never have to do everything, I never have to try to live up to perfection, I don't always have to say yes, and I NEVER have to do this alone. In that knowledge I can give this up to God to handle and know that he has whatever is best for me in his plans. When you realize that what you used to consider victory is holding you back, holding you in chains and causing you to feel like you can never win you realize that it's time to lose. It's time to lose control, lose the illusion of perfection, lose the heavy feeling in your chest, lose the feeling that you are never good enough, lose the stress, and lose the battle with yourself. When you lose these you win. You win freedom, you win grace, you win peace, and you win the war within yourself because you decided it wasn't your war to fight on your own anymore.

Defeat is better than victory because my defeat is God's victory. He's won me over, so I never really lost at all.

From Candy to Presents....Skipping the Turkey

Halloween was one week and three days ago, but you wouldn't be able to guess that by the Christmas music playing and the trees starting to line the windows. As soon as we hang up our costumes the next big event is already underway by hanging up the ornaments...

but we're skipping something here.

I'll give you a hint. It's the fourth Thursday in November, it normally involves a huge family dinner and a couple days off from school to recover.

If you didn't guess Thanksgiving, this may be a bigger problem than I anticipated.

On October 31st we have our parties and we go trick or treating and have a grand old time having as much fun as we can and getting as much candy as we can. I don't care if your five or one hundred, I know you want candy on Halloween.

On November 1st it turns into an entirely different scene.  We start hanging up the lights, shopping for presents and turning up the holly jolly tunes.

We completely disregard the twenty-something days of the Thanksgiving season.

I think this has to do with the idea of our individualistic society. It's all about what I can get and how much more I need or think I need. We rarely take a minute to be grateful for what we have. If we're single we want to be in a relationship. If we're in a relationship we want the other one to conform to our standards of what we want them to  be. If we have nice things we always want better. We always want more more more because it's about what I want and think I need. And that's just it. What have we turned Halloween into? What have we turned Christmas into?

Halloween has turned into a competition of who has the best parties, the best costume, the creepiest decorations, the most candy. It's all about me. It's all about leaving responsibilities and having a crazy good time.

Christmas has been turned into the same thing. At least a small part of us is (or should be) excited for the true meaning of Christmas and getting gifts for other people that make them smile. But we all know that we are eagerly looking forward to whatever new item we are going to unwrap from the shiny paper. It's turned into something that's about me. I have to get the best presents, I need to get the best or most expensive presents for other people. It's turned into nothing more than getting a good sale and then getting good presents.

And that's why we skip Thanksgiving...

Because Thanksgiving is the time where we are supposed to focus on what we have that we love, not what we think we lack. And even if we don't love everything in our life we should still be thankful that we even get to wake up everyday and get caught up in the new adventures of that day. We should be thankful for the people that have come into our lives and taught us lessons or became blessings. We should be sitting beside our family members... serving them, loving them, laughing with them, and genuinely enjoying who they are as people. It should be a time to reflect on and be thankful for where we have been, how far we have come and the new opportunities that are going to come in our future.

But we don't want to be thankful.

We want to want more. We don't want to be grateful, satisfied, or thankful. Our nature is to think for ourselves and to always want for ourselves. It's not natural for us to to think of others. It's not natural for us to be selfless. It's not natural for us to be content with what we have.  It's not natural for us to be thankful. It's hard to go against our nature and to choose to see things differently in our lives.

That's right, I said it was a choice and that it's going to be difficult....But it's worth it. 

Because when you start to shift your thinking to be thankful and content, you enjoy life more. That candy becomes sweeter, the turkey becomes even more delicious and those presents become special... you thought about what was truly important about each of these and you made these things and people special. Instead of thinking about what you don't have you think of everything in a new light, and that is what makes life worth living. It  may add a couple of calories to your plate but it's definitely time to stop skipping the turkey.

Why I Finally Joined the Blogging World

The new way to reach this modern generation is through the screen that's in front of them, whether that be a computer, a tablet, a phone or one of the thousand screens that we look at multiple times a minute. It's the way we learn, relate, love, and sometimes we even find ourselves out here.

And that's why I'm here... finally.

It's taken a while but I truly believe in the power that a blog can have on a vast audience. I hope that I can just reach one person by telling my story, spilling my jumbled mind and voicing things that matter to me.

I came into this for a few reasons...

First of all it's for myself to learn. It's to learn how to express my opinion without attacking others. It's to learn how to gracefully be wrong and humbly be right. It's to learn to vocalize my views in a way that makes sense to myself and probably a majority of everyday internet users.

Second, I hope it's for others to learn. I love knowledge and finding new ways to see anything and everything. I hope that just one post can make one person think about something differently, if they have then it's been worth it.

Third, it's to organize my mind. Lately, I've been plagued with thinking so much about things that I can't focus on school work and other things that I NEED to remember. If I can write it down, it can leave my thoughts and allow room to focus on other subjects.

Fourth, I think that this will look good later on. If I can say that I successfully ran a coherent blog, it can be just another stepping stone in the world of working in communications. (Especially with corporations looking for people involved in social media).

Fifth, I want to relate. This is how we connect with others, across the world and in the blink of an eye. It will be a great experience living life and relating with people from down the street to across the continent to even on the other side of the world.

Sixth, I want this to be a place where logic and emotion collide. I want people to think consciously about what is going on and combine that with the fire inside to a point where change is no longer an option but a necessity. I want this to be a place where laughter and tears combine.

Finally, I think it's a good start in trying to tell my story thus far and figuring out the rest of my untold tale. I can write down what God is doing, where I'm failing, where I'm succeeding and where this crazy life is taking me.

I want to set some guidelines for myself as I start on this entirely new venture, and hopefully posting them here will help keep me accountable.

1. I DON'T want to attack
I want to provoke thought and discussions that will change myself and readers. I will TRY to do this in a way that does not attack individuals or groups of people. I know that I may fail and probably will but I will try my best to uphold a truthful approach with love.

2. I DO want to prod
If I leave my blog unchanged or not thinking, that means others will do the same. I want to ignite something that maybe people haven't thought about before or at least come at it from a different perspective.

3. I WILL share MY opinion 
There would be no point in this if I was going to share things that I didn't believe in. I know that sometimes people will disagree and cause ruckus. If I say something, I will stand by it and defend it.

BUT...

4. I WILL be humble
This is where I recognize my views are different from others and that sometimes I'm not right. This will be a challenge but it is a necessary one.

This is going to be a crazy ride for myself and hopefully anyone who reads my posts. I'm hoping one day that I can go back to right now and realize how much everything has changed and how much I've grown. I'm ready to trade and transform. I'm ready to be vulnerable and learn who I am, who God is, who everyone else is, and what is going on in this amazing place of my life. I can't wait to see where this leads.